Men! - The World is Not Your Oyster!

A recent chat with a friend about her social media post got me thinking about something uncomfortable but necessary: the way men often reduce women to their bodies and gendered roles.

The status itself, along with the conversation that followed, got me thinking. We ‘men’ have all probably, whether advertently or inadvertently[1] been part of conversations where a woman is being reduced to her body/gendered bodily functions, or other similar conversations, colloquially referred to as ‘locker room’ conversations. These conversations can be heard in schools, college dorms, offices et al. There is no one standard or definition that can cover the gamut of these conversations, as they can range from being childish to having overtly sexual overtones. The one thing, however, which is common in most such conversations, is that the subject of the said conversation has not consented to being the subject thereof.

So, why do we feel comfortable as ‘men’ doing this?[2] Why are we ok with checking out a woman in the most obvious manner, fully knowing that it will/can make the woman uncomfortable? Why are we ok with reducing a platonic interest shown by a member of the opposite gender to a case of imagined non-platonic interest?

It is because ‘consent’ is not a threshold we truly hold dear. Consent is not only a concept that is relevant for determining the nature of a sexual act in case of sexual assault allegations. It is a far broader concept that ought to govern a significant portion of our interactions with the world around us.

A woman may want to sashay down the street in the skimpiest of clothes – she has not consented to being ogled or assaulted. A woman may have multiple sexual partners – she has not consented to having sex with every man around her. A woman may have consented to something once – she reserves the right to say no the second time. A woman may be best/close friends with a man – it doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with him.

All of this seems pretty logical and commonsensical, right? But it doesn’t seem that we get it. I guess it is correct when it is said that common sense is pretty uncommon.

And yet, as a society, we will resort to cultural crutches – like seeing women as mothers or sisters – to curb behaviour, instead of fostering genuine respect for consent and individuality. That men will behave in certain ways, I think, is largely part of the societal discourse. I think the idioms like ‘all women are like one’s mother and sisters’ or ‘bro code’ are all admissions on the part of society that, unless made taboo in some manner, men will behave in a particular manner with all women around them. Why do we ask men to see all women as mothers or sisters? Because, as a society, we fear that without such constructs, women will be sexualized. Or why make men swear by ‘bro code’ unless not seeing women in that light, will make women partners of friends being fair game for men.

I believe this is appalling. We shouldn’t be needing to see all women as mothers/sisters or believe in the ‘bro code’ to stop (as the saying goes) boys(men) being boys(men). We should really let women (and all other genders) be. They have an equal right to enjoy this world without fear.

Further, these tendencies of men actually make inter-gender interactions with women less candid/authentic/sincere. Imagine a scenario where your male best friend is always on their guard about what they are saying to you/behaving around you to ensure that you don’t misinterpret the words/actions to mean something else. The quality of the interactions would drastically reduce, right? The same happens in many inter-gender conversations, to avoid platonic interest being misinterpreted as non-platonic. Imagine the increase in the depth/quality of inter-gender conversations if the female gender didn’t have to keep their guard up all the time?

If you are a man and you have read till here, essentially, one of two things are happening in your head, (i) first, you think I am a ‘bleeding heart libtard’ and everything I said is rubbish, or (ii) you think there is some sense to be had in what I have written. If you are in the first category, I have one question for you: Do you think the women you care for in your life would be happy with the utopic world that I seem to be suggesting? If yes, my politics are irrelevant to this discussion. And if you are part of the second category, bravo, and I hope this struck a chord that will be at least the frailest of guardrails next time you find yourself in any of the situations discussed above.

To conclude, I would like to say to all ‘men’, all humans on this earth are equal, and all genders have the right to enjoy this world equally and in a similar manner. It's time to realise that this world is not ours to dominate or consume. It's not your oyster – it belongs equally to everyone.

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[1] Even for the inadvertent events, unless one protested, one must adhere by the saying, silence is acquiescence.

[2] That women may be having similar conversations is firstly beside the point and secondly irrelevant considering the gendered nature of sexual assault in majority of cases. 

We wronged Liberty

Paeans were offered to Personal Liberty,

Temples were built in the name of Thee,
We prayed in public to your worth and wisdom,
In private we never bowed to Thee.

We bowed to Power in all its glory,
And the chance to cut Liberty's tree,
We prayed in public to Liberty's worth and wisdom,
In private we never bowed to Thee.

For the Greater Good, was our Clarion call,
For the Greater Good, O' Liberty we guillotined Thee,
We prayed in public to Liberty's worth and wisdom,
In private we never bowed to Thee.

The Priests today only worship Power,
No sacrilege in their ways they see,
This is the price to be paid O Brothers,
By a Nation which murdered Liberty.

I, a Woman

I started my fight, in the womb of my mother,

As they were not sure if they wanted me or a brother,

The next fight I had when I wanted to study,
My father asked to me stay home and behave like a lady,

The next fight I had when I wanted to play,
And I was told that the family's honour is of clay,

The next fight I had when I became a lady,
I was touched and was groped, by men and by ladies,

The next fight I had when I fell in love,
And I was told that all love is foreclosed,

The next fight I had when I wanted a job,
I was told house work is the woman's only job,

The next fight I had when I went for an interview,
I wasn't asked any questions, but was stated as a view,

The next fight I had when I went to my work,
I was told of a glass ceiling no matter what work,

The next fight I had when I wanted to marry,
And I was told that there is no marriage without dowry,

The next fight I had when I didnot consent one night,
And my husband came home and raped me all night,

The next fight I had when I didn't want a child,
I was told it was my duty and my family's right,

These are the fights that I have had in this life,
This life is not over and nor is the fight,

But remember O world this righteous cry,
I am a Woman and I shall fight into the night.

जशन ए राम

आज सुना था जशन ए राम है,

आगमन ओ तख्त ए ताज है,

दीवाली सी एक रात है,

आज सुना था जशन ए राम है।

जो राम कह गए हमें,

उसका ना कोई आगाज़ है,

अब राम के ही नाम पे,

हर कु- कर्म की बुनियाद है।

कलयुग के इस संसार में,

मर्यादा के आभाव में,

हम राम को हैं मानते,

पर इंसान को दुत्कारते।

है एक सवाल इस जहां से,

इस जहां के इंसानों से,

जो राम को हैं पूजते,

वह अल्लाह को कैसे दुषते।

हैं राम मेरे मन में भी,

हैं अल्लाह मेरे मन में भी,

मैं राम को भी पूजता,

और इबादत ए क़ुरान में भी झूमता।

इंसान की इंसानियत में,

ही इबादत है बसी,

जो इंसान को ही ना पूछता,

उसकी इबादत क्या भली।

Nothing different today.

I hear that that death blows are coming my way,

I swear there ain't nothing different today,

I have heard about a tryst with destiny one day,

That promised day remains a promise today,

I have heard about my secular ways,

Those ways were lost much before today,

I have heard that death blows are coming my way,

I swear there ain't nothing different today.

I, an introvert.

I feel at home in my own company,

But in a crowd I feel all at sea,

I can't stop talking when it's you and me,

But on a stage I am stupefied like a tree,

I dissect the words that are spoken to me,

But miss the unsaid cues that are there to see,

I am an open book don’t judge me by my cover

Grounded I stay and live not in an ivory tower, 

I may not sing to the tunes of this world,

But in solitary peace no grudges I hold! 

Walk my path if you have the strength 

Just hop along don’t fear the length.

The Promise undone

We promised to walk together under a winter sun,

It's summer now and you left it all undone,

Everything is fair under the sun,

But when clouds form, the fair deal becomes burdensome,

A deal can't just be fair to one,

But in your eyes you are always the sorry one,

And if gold be all that you covet o friend,

Take gladly the gold and be done,

But hear o Hear if you ever feel alone,

Give me a shout and you will always have someone,

But from this day forth let it be known,

Mammon comes first, and then there are none. 

मेरे हमसफ़र

ओ मेरे हमसफ़र, ओ मेरे साथिया,

ये बेजु़बान दिल है तुझसे कह रहा,

अब धड़कन की कमी भी ना लगे,

जो ये साथ तेरा मुझे मिला।

जिन रास्तों पे कल सिर्फ कांटों की ही बौछार थी,

वही रास्ते फूलों की चादर  ओढ़ के तैयार है,

जो आसमान बरसाते थे सिर्फ अंगारों की ही बारिशें,

वो पीपल की छांव सी शीतलता बरसाने को तैयार हैं,

अब जन्नतो की ख्वाहिश नहीं,

ये दीदार ऐ जन्नत है मुझे मिला,

इस ख़ुदग़र्ज़ जहां की भीड़ में,

अपना सा कारवां है आ मिला।

ये शहर क्यों सुनसान हैं?

अपनों को छोड़, गैरों के संग चले,
ख़ुदग़र्ज़ थे या थे दबे हुए,
सिर्फ एक ख्वाब लेके चले,
अपनों से दूर, उनके सपनों के लिए,


शहरों में जाकर रुक गए,
सपनों की राह को संवारने,
पर शहरों की इन महलों के बीच,
झोपड़ों में सिमट के रह गए,


इन झोपड़ों में, बिखरते सपनों के बीच,
गैरों में प्यार पनपता था,
अपनों से दूर रहकर भी, अपनापन जैसा लगता था,
दुख भरी व्यथा की खेतों में,
सबका साथ हमेशा रहता था,

ना ललाट पे सुखों की रेखा थी,
ना था संकट से छुटकारा,
झोपड़ों की तो बुनियाद ना थी,
महलों से सहारे की थी अभिलाषा,

फिर घोर संकट आन पड़ा,
प्रकृति ने सीना तान लिया,
झोपड़ों की तब बुनियाद हिली,
पर मिला ना उसको सहारा,


झोपड़ों को बिखरने में देर ना लगी,
सपनो की कांच तब फूट गई,
जो भाग्य से लड़ कर जीते थे,
इंसानों के सामने उनकी एक ना चली,

अब कोई झोपड़ा बचा नहीं,
अभी महलों को ये पता नहीं,
तख्त ओ ताज तो अब भी हैं वहां,
पर ना दिखती कहीं भी बंदगी,

जो आस लेकर आए थे,
वह बददुआएैं देके जा रहे,
अब रोकना मुमकिन नहीं,
क्यूंकि सपनों को ये दफना चले।

A Woman's Eyes

Tis said a woman's eyes are oceans deep,

Tis said they hold the key to her heart,

But it's never enough to look into their eyes,

You got to follow their gaze afar.



That gaze will tell you the whole truth,

The future she beholds in her heart,

And if you are lucky to be shown that gaze,

Hear O Hear those unsaid words.

यार मेरा!

ज़िंदगी की इस राह में एक नया मोड़ आमाद है,

इस मोड़ का मंज़र कहां, ये सवाल तो बिन जवाब है,

इस मोड़ पे मुड़ना है हमको, ये वक़्त की फरियाद है,

पर ऐ वक़्त मुझको ये बता, क्या इस राह पे मेरा यार है?



ऐ वक़्त इबादत है तुझसे, की मुझे मेरे यार की सौगात दे

जिस छांव में मिली हैं जन्नतें, उस छांव का तू साथ दे,

ऐ वक़्त मुझे मेरा यार दे।